Alphabet For Living Longer
A - Awareness
is the key to fruitful and joyous living. Be aware of others, be aware
of current events and be aware of your root growth.
B - Bond with others as often as you can. Bond with nature and the
elements. Bond with the pizza delivery guy.
C - Be content with who you are. Be content with where you’ve headed.
Be content with contentment.
D - Dance whenever possible. As Mark Twain said...”dance like no one
is watching...” Dance down the grocery store isle to those songs your
kids don’t recognize. Dance on a table for your mate now and again.
E - Enlighten your soul. Enlighten your neighbor. Enlighten your bottom
by about ten pounds.
F - Faith is a huge influence as we get older. Our faith is usually firm
by forty. It ‘s always subject to change. Just like bank fees. But we
gain better interest with faith than we ever will with the bank.
G - Be generous. Generosity is not expected any more so it really
catches people off guard. Be generous with yourself and others,
especially with your kids. They’ll be deciding your fate some day so
bribery isn’t out of the question.
H - Honesty is the best policy. It’s impossible to keep lies straight
when your memory is going to seed.
I - Ignore the unpleasant. Some say face it. I say why bother? Ignoring
something unpleasant is an important thing to learn to do. You need to
practice, unless of course you’re good at it already.
J - Never jump. Jumping makes you feel heavy. It makes your breasts
bounce nearly knocking you out. And it only serves to open the door for
your kids to make smart cracks behind your back. Better to ignore them.
K - Keep everything. Yes, everything. You never know when you’ll need
L - This one is easy. Laugh! It’s the only thing that makes those
crows feet look “sweet”.
M - Moan. Loud. People will look at you funny but they’ll leave you
N - Never say never. Trust me, you learn that “never” and
“always” are fictitious words. Never means “hardly ever/rarely”
and always means “most of the time/often. For example...I never get
caught pulling a wedgie out. I always wear my glasses.
O - Organization is the key. I haven’t figured out what door it opens
yet. But I’ll be sure to update you when I do. So until then, I’ll
use the ignore rule.
P - I think this letter is self-explanatory. P lots and often. Being
stuck in a moving car with a full bladder sucks.
Q - Quality is what counts now. Alright, who are we kidding. It has
nothing to do with quality. We just don’t have the energy for quantity
R - Rest. Get lots of rest. Just show this article to your boss and tell
him/her I said you were to rest. What the hell could he say to that?
S - Sing at the top of your lungs. It will drive your kids crazy. It’s
their turn now.
T - Teach the world what you’ve learned. Teach your mate to put the
cap on the new roll on the toilet paper holder. Teach your grandchildren
all the wrong manners. Let their parents straighten them out. You owe
U - Comfortable underwear. Gotta have em. I’ve lived too long to worry
about flossing my butt now.
V - Visit your parents often. They will be gone some day. Trust me on
W - Drink plenty of water. It’s the universal moisturizer. Your skin
will thank you.
X - Learn to hold onto the X in scrabble. Yes, ok....sometimes you’ll
get stuck with it. But sometimes you’ll get the triple letter.
Life’s a crapshoot anyway.
Y - Yawn. It lets your company know you’re not interested anymore and
you want to go to bed.
Z - Zip your lip. If you said out loud all that you were thinking,
they’d haul you away and give your kids power of attorney. Think about
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