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Procrastinator? Me? I'll let you know tomorrow

All right. So I'm a procrastinator. There are millions of us out there. Some are closet dwellers who can't come to grips with their procrastinatory natures. Others, like me have become one with this attribute.

It took me years of debate and argument, bargaining, weeping, ignoring and virgin sacrifices to finally tame the NotToday Beast. The creep tried to sue me for compensatory damages when I finally overthrew it by designing a system to bypass its input to my logical thought processes. But I thwarted It.

I developed the following rules for conquering the NotToday Beast. They work for me. I have no idea if they'll work for you, but let's put it this way....what exactly have you got to lose? Don't let the Beast take time from you and your creations. And trust me, once that cretin has hold of your willpower, It will have you washing the garage, picking lint from your favorite sweater in August, watching paint dry, cleaning anything, doing anything, accomplishing anything....but your writing. That's it's power source. All activities but writing feed the Beast's motivation to further set you back. So put an end to it's free utility feed. Here are the rules, give them a shot. Or you'll be out sorting cartons in the garage for the rest of your writing career.

Rule #1 Never allow yourself to sit down to write without the prerequisite coffee, tea, soda, (fill-in-your-choice) beverage, cigarettes if you smoke, and an empty bladder. (I know, that's getting kind of personal....but bear with me, I'm making a point here.) Otherwise, the NotToday Beast will laugh uproariously when you must get up repeatedly to (supposedly) fill these needs. Make sure you're one step ahead.

Rule #2 Always keep an ideas list on your computer desktop, or your bulletin board, or your forehead if need be. BUT...the trick is to look at it occasionally. Yes, I see all those cheeks turning know who you are. The Famous List Makers. Make a list, check it twice, then forget about it. But the Beast sees a list as a reminder of your freedom. Unfortunately for It, your freedom is in direct conflict with Its agenda.

Rule #3 Remember, tomorrow you could be dead. Blunt, I know. One of my other downfalls. Maybe one of these days I'll write a set of rules to counteract that, too. It's true however. Today may be your last on this planet. Do you really think the world would be complete without those incredible thoughts moshing about in your head? Of course not. (At least make it look good. The NotToday Beast just hates a good healthy ego.)

Rule #4 Show the Beast who is boss. Snub your nose at It, grab a seat at your desk and write. It hates that. Trust me, I know. Once you begin a writing session, It loses all interest because It knows It's toast. Done. Put on ignore for the time being. Writing is your passion, or you wouldn't be reading these rules. Passions are for feeding. Instead of feeding the Beast, feed your soul. Write, write, write.

Rule #5 If you just can't twig on an idea to write about, type "I will not sort the cartons in my garage" fifty times. So long as the Beast sees you typing, you're safe.


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