Martin & Harriet Discuss The Afterlife
God Martin, donít you see? This gives me the edge Iíve wanted all our marriage. You canít do a thing. You can wisp out like a tendril of ineffectual smoke, or you can choose to sitÖor hover, as the case may beÖ.and listen to me for a change.
Darling, you have no idea how much Iíve listened over the years. With the way you tend to drone on and on, one canít help but hear it. Iím surprised my head didnít explode years ago.
Yes, my love. You can spin words faster than the politicians du jour. Too bad no one ever told you you talk too much. I realize I have nothing to lose now by being totally honest. We might have had a better marriage if Iíd been more honest when I was alive.
Well thanks for telling me now Martin. At least I know what to correct about myself now that Iím single and DATING again.
Well, yes. About that dating thingÖ.
What.? Do you have a problem with my dating now that youíre dead? Iím free to see who I like. Having you here to tie up lose ends with, helps me move on, darling. Iím ready to hit the bars!
What are you going to do during sex?
Why, what are you talking aboutÖ.what about having sex??
Well, seems Iím doomed to stick by your side for a while. You never liked it when others watchedÖ.arenít you going to have performance anxiety with me there?
Iíll put on the nines for you Darling. Iíll make it a good show. Knowing you canít get any pleasure in the flesh is going to tickle me to no end. You were THE most annoying lover Ö
Oh of course, attack my manhood now that itís a fine grey mist. Yes, just like you Harriet. Just like you to pull out all the stops and hit below the belt first off.
What do you expect, telling me I talk too much?!
Yes well, sometimes itís hard to tell someone you love that they have a fault. Even though they know they have faultsÖhaving a lover point them out, hurts doubly.
Yes, youíre right. It can hurt so much more.
I do love you Harriet. Iím broken about this situation. What the hell am I doing hanging around you like this?
Perhaps we have unfinished business, Martin. I donít know. Iím as stumped as you. I do wish we could have liked each other more. We loved, but werenít too fond of each other. I wouldnít have chosen you as a friend, thatís for sure.
Listen you hurtful old biddy; you wouldnít have had the chance anyway. Women like you were playthings to me.
Yes, with nearly thirty years of marriage under your kilt, you had playthings? Ha! What young plaything would have looked past the belly and balding head??
Oh yes, go for the jugular againÖso typical with you Harriet.
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Martin & Harriet
He's dead, she's not.